If I Were Osama bin Laden...
Osama wins even when his plots are thwarted. His victories are in our over-reactions.
After 9/11, when terrorists took command of airplanes with a few box cutters and the then-prevailing "go along to get along" response to hijackers, TSA stripped all passengers (and flight crews) of everything sharp, no matter how small or useless as a weapon. (Well, not everything. We all got to keep pens and shoelaces.) Stories abound of people having belts and other items of clothing confiscated because they had pictures or other representations of a weapons on them.
Then came the bumbling Richard Reid and his shoe bomb. Since then, we've had to remove our shoes to get through airport Security.
Now we have a thwarted plot to slip innocuous-appearing liquids through Security and mix them aboard the airplanes to make explosives and incendiaries, and our over-reaction is to strip all passengers of all products in liquid, gel, or paste form. (At least flight crews are exempt from this one. I think the TSA folks finally realize we already have control of the airplanes.)
If I were Osama bin Laden, I'd have noticed by now that just one clown with a fuse in his shoe can cause huge disruption to the normal course of transportation and commerce. I'd be thinking, "Hmmm..."
I'd not tell any of my underlings that this next plot is not designed to bring down an airplane, that it doesn't need to cause an explosion. All it needs to do is be discovered.
Here is the plan: Mold plastic explosives to look like human feces complete with miniature timers and igniters. Put them where the sun doesn't shine and board the airplanes.
Here's the REAL plan: Word of the turd plot will leak to police and security forces, just as the latest plan did. Now, imagine our response!
To prevent people from sneaking explosives aboard in this crude fashion, all passengers will be required to take a dump at security checkpoints and wait while the result is tested to be sure that it is shit and not Shinola.
Passenger air travel will instantly drop to absolute zero.
Osama wins without firing a shi- I mean, shot.
Have a nice flight.
After 9/11, when terrorists took command of airplanes with a few box cutters and the then-prevailing "go along to get along" response to hijackers, TSA stripped all passengers (and flight crews) of everything sharp, no matter how small or useless as a weapon. (Well, not everything. We all got to keep pens and shoelaces.) Stories abound of people having belts and other items of clothing confiscated because they had pictures or other representations of a weapons on them.
Then came the bumbling Richard Reid and his shoe bomb. Since then, we've had to remove our shoes to get through airport Security.
Now we have a thwarted plot to slip innocuous-appearing liquids through Security and mix them aboard the airplanes to make explosives and incendiaries, and our over-reaction is to strip all passengers of all products in liquid, gel, or paste form. (At least flight crews are exempt from this one. I think the TSA folks finally realize we already have control of the airplanes.)
If I were Osama bin Laden, I'd have noticed by now that just one clown with a fuse in his shoe can cause huge disruption to the normal course of transportation and commerce. I'd be thinking, "Hmmm..."
I'd not tell any of my underlings that this next plot is not designed to bring down an airplane, that it doesn't need to cause an explosion. All it needs to do is be discovered.
Here is the plan: Mold plastic explosives to look like human feces complete with miniature timers and igniters. Put them where the sun doesn't shine and board the airplanes.
Here's the REAL plan: Word of the turd plot will leak to police and security forces, just as the latest plan did. Now, imagine our response!
To prevent people from sneaking explosives aboard in this crude fashion, all passengers will be required to take a dump at security checkpoints and wait while the result is tested to be sure that it is shit and not Shinola.
Passenger air travel will instantly drop to absolute zero.
Osama wins without firing a shi- I mean, shot.
Have a nice flight.
posted by Eric Rush | 11:35 AM
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